God

So Help Me God, I Will Go Nowhere Else

/ Chris / 1 Comment
I have no interest in maintaining traditional beliefs or values simply for the sake of carrying on tradition or because my parents taught me that way.
 
Neither do I have any interest in throwing away values and beliefs or adopting a progressive worldview simply because I am disgruntled with people in my past or with theological systems or with churches.
 
Nor am I interested in following the ever-restless crowd or my ever-fickle feelings.
 
What I am interested in is following Jesus.
 
I want Jesus. I want all of Jesus. And I want Jesus to have all of me. My entire heart, body, mind, and theology.
 
I will stand where He stands as revealed by the Holy Spirit in Scripture; I will go where he goes; and I will stay where he stays; and so help me God, I will go nowhere else.
 

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“It’s a Jesus Story” Revisited

/ Chris / 12 Comments

Prelude:

In the wake of hearing about too many relationships devastated by immorality and its cover-ups, I couldn’t handle it any longer.

“If we have truly been redeemed and forgiven at the cross by the creator of the universe, why are we hiding our stories?” I asked myself and my family.

Frustrated to the point of anger upon hearing of men who cower in the shadows of their past (which is supposedly redeemed), I suddenly had an idea. It was one of the scariest things I had ever done. Apart from my family and a handful of friends, I had never shared it with anyone. I was sure people would reject me, that no girl would ever accept me after this, that I would lose face—but I knew I had to do it.

So on March 21, 2013 I put into practice what I had learned two months before in “Grieving” and shared one of my darkest secrets. To my surprise, it dramatically changed my life for he better and very well might have saved my faith.

It was this story that caught the attention of Brett Harris and gave him the nudge to ask if I’d write for TheRebelution.com, which has, in itself, changed my life.

I thought I was sharing my story, but in reality, it isn’t mine at all…

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“Grieving” Revisited

/ Chris / 13 Comments

Prelude: 

I published this piece on my old blog two months and a couple weeks after my Mom died on November 6, 2012.

Written during the throes of the deepest grief I’ve experienced, I find my old thoughts still ringing true today. Yet in other ways, I am encouraged by the progress I see. In the second paragraph I talked about many of us not being willing to share honestly about the battles we faced. In the five years since I wrote this, I think that’s changed–at least among my friends. We are much quicker to “just be real.” It may even be to a fault, but I think I’d rather people be a little too honest about their struggles, then try to pretend they’re totally okay or perfect when they’re not. (I don’t know, what are your thoughts? Am I right about the change in atmosphere?)

From the very first two paragraphs, I can see the hand of God weaving a thread through my story that would eventually lead me to make a major, life-changing decision (watch for my next “Revisited” post a week from now).

I pray this is a comfort to those of you going through the same.

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When You Don’t Want God

/ Chris / Leave a comment

Have you ever walked into a house while someone is cooking a meal? Think of Thanksgiving day when your mom is preparing that delectable array of dishes and the aroma saturates the entire house.

Even if you aren’t hungry before, you are once you’ve smelled the delicious food! In fact, if you’re like me, you’re hungry right now just thinking about it!

A while ago, some of my friends and I were discussing what it means to be “hungry for God.”

We talked about how we often ask God to make us more “hungry for him”–to “help us want him more,” as we often put it.

I’ve said this a lot and I always mean it in a good way. I usually say it like a transparent plea before God, being honest about how I feel while also expressing my desire to love Him more. And I think this is often appropriate.

But my friend Vince wondered what it is like for God to hear us pray “Help me want you more.”

Imagine being the most beautiful Person to ever exist, the most glorious Concept in the universe, the most desirable Companion–imagine being all that and having people say “I still don’t want You enough, help me want You more.”

Vince thought perhaps the best question is not “Do you want God?” but rather “Have you seen God?”

Because just like smelling a delicious Thanksgiving meal stirs up hunger, seeing God stirs a longing for more of Him. The more you see Jesus, the more you desire Him.

Today, instead of asking God to increase our desire for Him, let’s ask Him to reveal Himself to us.

I think that’s what will really stir our desire for more.

“One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple.” – Psalm 27:4

Blessings,
C.D.

“[Not] an Accident” Revisited

/ Chris / 9 Comments

Prelude:

In the fall of 2012, four days before my brother’s wedding, my mother, sister, and I were in a car accident. The incident dramatically affected not only the course of my life, but my very identity.

In the proceeding months, blogging, journaling, and writing poetry became one of the primary ways I processed the accident and aftermath.

Looking through my old blog, Fraction, I was recently amazed at how quickly this process began for me. My first post after the accident was only two weeks later. It was titled “Hope.”

Over the next several months, I want to revisit some of these pivotal pieces as well as publish some of the poetry and other prose I had written during that time, but never published. My hope is that it will not only be healing for me to remember what God has brought me through, but also healing for those of you who have gone or are going through a similar experience.

If that’s you, please know: You are not alone.

I’m beginning with a piece which describes—in details I had since forgotten—what it was like for me to wake up that day. Although some of my theology has matured since I originally wrote it, I do hope you find it encouraging and inspiring. 

Without further ado:

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One Hundred Eleven

/ Chris / 1 Comment

Here’s a random fact: It’s been two years, two months, and ten days since I last published an actual post on a personal blog (apart from the “I have a new website” posts that I did).

Obviously–given the two year gap–it’s been hard to get back into the groove of blogging. Having been dormant for so long, I’ve pretty much lost any sort of rhythm that I had. Thus my writing habits have devolved into random spurts that splatter themselves all over Google Drive. It’s terribly messy.

Part of the problem is that my actual job involves a lot of writing. And by “a lot,” I mean, it’s nearly all writing and sitting at a computer. Therefore, writing and sitting at a computer is usually the last thing I want to do for a hobby (unless it means mindlessly scrolling Facebook or surfing Youtube).

All that to say: the creative juices haven’t exactly been flowing.

Nevertheless, here I am. Writing. And that’s what counts, I guess.

Speaking of counting…

I should divulge something right away: I’m a little bit of a nerd. I built a fictional world when I was twelve years old, complete with maps, fragmented languages, histories, and a 70,000+ word novel; I watch YouTube videos about string theory for fun, I’ve read The Silmarillion three times (and other abstract Middle-Earth lore), and I notice quaint little things like when the clock reads 11:11.

In fact, a couple of years ago, I started noticing the time 11:11, or the number 1 anywhere in repeated consecutive order, so much that I began taking it as God’s way of reminding me that he loves me.

“Oh look, it’s 1:11pm. God loves me” or ‘Your destination is in 11.1 miles…’ “Aha! God loves me,” weird little stuff that only a nerd would find interesting. Could be coincidence, if you want to spoil all the fun.

This whole number thing is significant to me because over the past few years I’ve struggled to feel like I have any sort of meaningful connection with God. But I’m beginning to doubt my feelings more and more.

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Why Reading the Bible Is Not Enough

/ Chris / 3 Comments

I believe the Bible to be inspired by God, if nothing else because of its incredible, unprecedented preservation. That alone is a miracle. I make it a priority to spend time reading it everyday. But merely reading a copy of the Bible or learning the Greek and Hebrew or having theological discussions about certain passages does not mean you have actually studied God’s word.

It took three centuries for Christians to have access to what we now consider the inspired Word of God, and another millennium before it was available to the masses. This tells me that there is a whole lot more to studying God’s word than merely reading the pages of a book. In order to understand which writings were true and what to believe, early Christians had to rely on the guidance of the Holy Spirit (personally and through other believers). They had to actually KNOW Jesus: both through conversation (prayer) and experience.

Jesus Christ is the Word of God (John 1:1,14). He is the perfect representation of God (Heb. 1:3; Col. 1:15). God’s word, His message, to the world is, simply, Christ.
 
To truly study the Word of God, we must intently focus on Jesus (James 1:25). This primarily comes through prayer and listening to the Holy Spirit who only says what Jesus says (John 16:13).
 
Reading and being immersed in the Bible is powerful and essential but should be done with prayer and discernment from the Spirit because that is the primary communication between God and man. You cannot understand the truth of the Bible unless the Spirit illuminates it to you.
 
I cannot stress, enough, my belief that the Bible is inspired by God and should be taken literally and COMPLETELY. You can be certain that God will not tell you to do something which contradicts the absolute truth He has already spoken through the Bible. But knowing the Bible does NOT mean you know Christ. It may lead you to a deeper understanding of who Christ is and His characteristics, just as a detailed map of LA helps me get around. But studying a map is not equivalent with “getting around” and actually KNOWING Los Angeles. The Bible may be a love letter from God, which is pretty awesome, but no lovers are ever satisfied with only letters. They want real interaction.
 
C.D.

Got Any Change?

/ Chris / 7 Comments

A year ago today I was headed over to Asia with my sister, brother and sister-in-law (my sister and I for two months). It’s crazy how much change happens in a year. I definitely miss Asia and all the experiences we had over there…

But what if we got our wish? What if we could stay suspended in time at our favorite moments? Sure, it would be a blast for a while, but we would eventually become bored and resentful at God. Because life is like a dance and every good dance needs good timing: ups and downs, slow and fast, smooth and bouncy.

I hate change, I hate goodbyes, I hate disappointments–if I could remove them, I would. But in order to remove them, I’d take away the movement of life’s timing and the dance would flop.

So let’s embrace the movement which change brings to life–because that’s pretty much what life is: constant change. Remember that the Master Choreographer is GOOD and knows what He’s doing. Every old and new move is according to His grand plan.

I loved Asia, more than I expected. My bones have been aching to go back and I probably would have hit pause, if possible. But I experienced so much rich LIFE since then that I’m glad I didn’t.

But coming home from a fun trip to Asia is not the extent of the change I’ve experienced. About every year and a half or so, half of our household moves away and is replaced by new people. Strange, right? You see, my family houses the volunteers for the ministry we work for, unfortunately, their terms are only a year or two long after which they move on with their lives. Every time one of them moves on, I get a little bitter about the whole change concept. But invariably when I look back and see where they are and where I am today and the relationships I’ve made with the new volunteers, I would not have it any other way. See, God does know what He’s doing after all.

And then there’s death. One of the irreversibles of change. Everyone will experience death, in some way. If someone does not experience losing a loved one, it means they died first. In every marriage, someone will experience the death of a spouse, most children lose their parents, some parents lose their children. Everyone will die.

But therein lies Hope. Because death does not have to be a period, separating one sentence from another. It can, and should be, a comma, which is a mark of transition, or a colon: emphasizing why. Those who are hidden inside Christ will overcome death and be raised to a glorified life where there is no separation (death) or pain–but if I know the Master, there will probably be change.

Thank God!

C.D.

Quit Being So Negative!

/ Chris / 2 Comments

How do you view God? Do you see Him as hard to please?

Consider this statement for a moment: You fall short of God’s grace and love and there is absolutely no way for you to ever please Him.

Sounds Biblical right? But how do you respond? Are you drawn to God? Does it quicken your heart to respond in repentance? Maybe. But most likely you feel discouraged. A subtle, subconscious feeling of hopelessness enters in and negative thinking is introduced into your mind.

The problem is that yes, the above statement is true, but only partially. You DO fall short of God’s grace and love—but He extends it ANYWAYS. There IS absolutely no way for you to ever please God ON YOUR OWN STRENGTH. God finds much pleasure in you when the blood of Jesus Christ has COMPLETELY cleansed you of anything that would displease God.

So when these thoughts run through our minds, we slowly become discouraged and lose interest in God. We see daily just how much we fall short. We feel condemned, fearful, and hopeless. And we either give up, or start living out of a drive to please God.

God does not operate through negativity. SO STOP IT! Just stop.

The King came to His enemies, not to condemn, but to LOVE. In response to His love and KINDNESS, we, His enemies, forsake our old lives and become His friends. Once we are His friends, He makes us His very own children. And as His children, we are given power, bravery, endless access to His throne, and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

Fear, doubt, and condemnation are not of God’s kingdom so STOP allowing them to reign in your mind. You have the freedom to do this. Christ has given you permission to quit thinking negatively about yourself and others.

Jesus cares for you. Give HIM your fear, doubt, condemnation, lust, pride, unforgiveness, and all your negativity. You were lost and deserve God’s wrath, but Christ took that upon Himself. He has found and freed you. Think on THAT! Rejoice. You are free to rejoice! Get rid of whatever is keeping you from joy, trust God AND REJOICE!

When I allow this truth to reign in my heart, I am DRAWN to Christ: I am drawn to pray and to read His word; to love and serve Him.

“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” – Philippians 4:8

“For God did not send the Son into the world to judge [condemn] the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.” – John 3:17

“[The sinner] said, ‘No one [condemns me], Lord.’ And Jesus said, ‘I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.’ –John 8:11 ‘Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.’” – Romans 8:1

“We love [Him], because He first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19

C.D.

“I Love You Too!”

/ Chris / 4 Comments

The other night as I sat with friends and family in the Miller living room, it suddenly felt like Jesus silently walked in, sat beside me, and whispered “I love you!” In disbelief at first, I ignored it. “I love you!” he seemed to repeat. It seemed like He wanted me to respond. So I did. “I love you too!” I thought awkwardly.

This is relationship. I had real interaction with Jesus Christ, the Creator and Sustainer of life! I think that this type of interaction really happens many times, but I usually doubt it and dismiss it as simply emotion. I will always cherish this brief interaction with Jesus, and look for more. It amazes me how loving and good God really is. Even in His wrath, He is still loving and good.

Yesterday morning, as I sat in on a chapel service, the speaker showed a YouTube clip about persecution in Indonesia. In the clip, Muslims were slaughtering other Muslims who had converted to Christianity. Although it was only six minutes long, I kept thinking to myself “Just make it stop already! Just make it stop!” I thought the clip would never end, but I knew I had to watch as much of it as I could stomach. I had to see. This brutality is the price these people have to pay in order to follow Christ. And then I thought about how this is what Jesus had to pay to set us free! Not only was He mocked and ridiculed, but He was beaten and bruised, and His flesh was torn apart. He suffered immense pain, agony and separation from the Father [God] so that we could be forgiven of sin and unified with the Father.

And I realized how pathetic my love for Him is. Could I honestly bear His name, while having half my scalp chopped off? I’m not sure I could, save by His incredible grace.

I desperately desire deeper love for Christ. I long for stronger faith so that I can stand firm on the Rock, Jesus Christ. I want to trust Jesus, rather than doubt Him or His love. I want to be convinced of God’s goodness. By realizing my security in Christ and knowing that He is completely good and loving, I can endure the pain He may call me to.

Someone once said something like: “to the degree that we suppress pain, we also suppress joy.” I desperately want to be surrendered to this concept: that to experience great joy, I must also allow myself to experience great pain.

I think in many ways I have tried to suppress my pain. I have tried to be strong. But I think there is something beautiful about just letting yourself hurt and allowing yourself to be weak. The picture that I get is a big and strong middle-aged man kneeling before a gravestone bawling and letting his pain out by gasps and screams.

Many times we get knocked down and we can’t get back up. We need a helper, a savior, a healer. Jesus Christ is that Healer.

I do not know if I have responded well to the pain and hard things in my life, but I want to do better. I want to allow myself to hurt: to grieve loss, struggle with change and allow Christ to bring healing when it is time.

I don’t like pain—I run from it. I pursue happiness just like everyone else. But there is health in bleeding; there is relief in flowing tears. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Finally, I am beginning to understand this verse. Jesus is saying, “Allow yourself to hurt, because I will comfort you!” And we will hurt, but we can’t “bottle” it up, or we’ll burst.

Keep battling on. Keep hurting. Keep healing. Keep relating. Keep living. The end is in sight, just a few more years. God is faithful, by His strength we can do this!

Poured Out Like Wine

Hugo McCord

Would you be poured out like wine
upon the altar for Me?
Would you be broken like bread
to feed the hungry?
Would you be so one with Me
that you would do just as I will?
Would you be light and life
and love My Word fulfilled?

Yes, I’ll be poured out like wine
upon the altar for You
Yes, I’ll be broken like bread
to feed the hungry
Yes, I’ll be so one with You
that I would do just as You will
Yes, I’ll be light and life
and love Your Word fulfilled

Where He Leads Me

Ernest W. Blandy

I can hear my Savior calling,
I can hear my Savior calling,
I can hear my Savior calling,
Take thy cross and follow, follow Me.

Where He leads me I will follow,
I’ll go with Him, with Him, all the way.

I’ll go with Him through the garden,
I’ll go with Him through the garden,
I’ll go with Him through the garden,
I’ll go with Him, with Him all the way.

Where He leads me I will follow,
I’ll go with Him, with Him, all the way.

I’ll go with Him through the judgment,
I’ll go with Him through the judgment,
I’ll go with Him through the judgment,
I’ll go with Him, with Him all the way.

Where He leads me I will follow,
I’ll go with Him, with Him, all the way.

He will give me grace and glory,
He will give me grace and glory,
He will give me grace and glory,
And go with me, with me all the way.

Where He leads me I will follow,
I’ll go with Him, with Him, all the way.

C.D.